echoes
by pikachu.senpai
Summary: a rivetra levimas one shot special. it's levi's birthday, and what happens when he finds a letter addressed to him in his deceased squad mate's room...? WARNING: contains cussing


**{echoes**

**a rivetra levimas one shot special.**

**inspired by heichou and his fabulous and graphic post abotu levi dying :-***

**disclaimer: if i owned shingeki no kyojin then petra wouldn't have died and rivetra would be canon**

**WARNING: contains cussing(whale naww)}**

Sometimes he wondered what would have happened if he had defied his given orders. If he hadn't refilled his gas canisters and restocked in new blades like Erwin insisted, and instead rushed back to his squad. Would they have managed to have brought down the female form titan? Would they have lived? He knew it was useless asking all of these questions now, but his mind couldn't help but wander back to that expedition, which haunted him constantly. The images plagued his mind; Gunther hanging by his wire in the midst of the trees, neck slashed open, Erd with his body bitten in half, arm severed into a bloody mess, Auruo lying motionless on the ground, crimson blood staining his forest green cape. And Petra. That was the worst memory of all. Her body bent backwards in such an unnatural position, dirty blood smeared across her porcelain skin and copper locks, her amber optics still open and staring up emotionlessly at the azure sky, cape flowing in the wind with the wings of freedom emblem tainted with her blood. She looked so vulnerable, so fragile, like she could break at the slightest touch. But she didn't look at peace, and he regretted discarding her body like it was nothing just to escape from the titans. Well it was all too late now.

It was his birthday today; not that he cared. He found the celebration unnecessary and meaningless, and was in a foul mood already due to the december snow that was piling up outside. But it was also Christmas, meaning there was going to be mess, joy, mess and mess. Ugh. That meant more cleaning for him, though he would make Eren do lots of it. Oh wait, the castle HQ was empty; Eren having left earlier in the week to assist shitty glasses in some of her weird experiments and, well... The rest of the squad were gone now. It had been a few months since their deaths, but it seemed like only a few days, and he could still smell the blood lingering in the air. He should've been used to the metallic taste and smell, but it made the air thick and chocked him.

Originally, he wasn't going to bother with Christmas decorations and such, but Erwin and the rest insisted on making the dreary place more festive, so the walls were now lavished with tinsel, fairy lights and all sorts of other dirty, dusty decorations that would need to be cleared later. He shuddered, thinking about how much filth there was going to be later, and how long it would take to clean it all up. If only the squad where here, at least they could clean to his standards.

Sighing, he took a sip of the hot tea, holding the cup in his usual manner; by the brim. His piercing stone grey eyes fleeted over the table, imagining if the squad were there too, all talking amongst themselves in joy and injuries all healed from the expedition. Tilting the cup a bit more than he needed to, he cursed under his breath as the scorching hot drink defiled his crisp white shirt and cravat. **"Shit."** He quickly stood up and quickly placed the cup back onto it's saucer, outstretching his hand as if he were expecting to be handed something. **"Oi, Petra, can you get me a-"** Oh right, she wasn't there anymore. Sighing once more in annoyance, he retreated back to his room to change his dirty clothes into new, clean ones and also retrieve his spare cravat as a replacement for his now mucked up one. Taking quick paced steps, he soon arrived at his room, sighing in relief. Every movement he took seemed to echo throughout the hallway. It was silent. Too silent.

Once he had changed into cleaner clothes and was satisfied with his how his cravat was arranged, he went back outside, deciding to take a stroll around the castle and reminiscence. He passed by all of the squad's rooms, one by one, slowly by slowly. He felt that he could still hear them, like the walls were echoing everything that had happened in the HQ. Laughter, tears, anger. He could hear it all. He came abruptly to a stop, suddenly noticing that the sun had sunk out of sight, a few twinkling stars now shining in the sky. Damn, it was almost time for Erwin, shitty four eyes and everyone else to come and celebrate the 'joyous occasion known as shorty aging'.

He finally reached one room in particular, which he had been anticipating the entirety of his stroll. He knocked gently on the hard, wooden door, as if by habit, and then slowly opened it. He was suddenly overwhelmed by a huge amount of dust; the room hadn't been cleaned since the expedition ended and Petra's father came to collect her belongings. But her scent still lingered in the air, sweet and comforting. He stood still for a moment, gazing at the room as if he could see everything that ever happened inside happening again. His attention was diverted when noticed a pale envelope in the corner of his eye, that stood out against the ashen desk. It was addressed to him, so, obliged to open it, he carefully and neatly opened the envelope, taking out a small piece of paper. It was obviously from her, he could recognise the familiar small and neat handwriting, much unlike his own illegible one. There were a few creases on the parchment of paper, as well as splotches which looked like liquid had been spilled and then dried. He stared blankly at the letter, reading the words steadily and attentively.

_Dear Levi Heichou,_

_So I always do this before an expedition, in case I don't come back, you know. I write one to everyone else too; my Dad, Erd, Gunther, Auruo, and even Eren this time round. If you're reading this, then chance are that I've fallen and you're probably alone now, ne? So I'm just gonna say a few words that I've probably never had the courage to say to you, face to face._

_Just remember that it's alright to cry, ok? To be honest, I'm not even worth your tears, but it's ok. I know you'll probably think that you're all tough and aren't affected by these things, but I know that deep down you're all emotional and vulnerable, but that's normal. We all know that you put on that tough shell with the whole 'humanity's strongest soldier' thing and won't let anyone in, but you've got to soften and loosen up sometimes. We all need to let it out sometimes. Wow, I'm probably sounding like some strict mother right now, sorry..._

_I'm crying tears right now, pathetic, eh? The survey corps have always been my second family, and I cherish the memories we've all had together. You've got to tell Auruo to stop imitating you, and to keep that big mouth of his shut unless he wants to injure his tongue even more. And tell Eren to have faith and trust others. I know that humanity will win against the titans, and that you'll lead them well. Also, you don't have to be as strict with the cleaning. It's tiring, you know, and why are you even such a cleanfreak? I wish I'd lived longer, so I could learn all these new things about you and the squad and everything. Thinking about it, I never found out why you hold your teacup that way, or why you wear a cravat in the first place. Tell someone for me, ok? _

_Well if I'm dead right now, then I've never really had the chance to say this to you, face to face. So here goes... _

_I love you._

_~Petra Ral_

_P.S. Happy birthday, when the time comes! And excuse the tear stains on the letter._

A burst of emotions hit him all at once, and unbeknownst to him, hot tears were now threatening to spill down his cheeks. **"Tch."** He pocketed the letter, then returned to the hall, where people would have been arriving by now. He could hear Hanji and her eccentric cries about a new experiment or whatnot, then hushed voices, then silence. Entering the hall, a puff of confetti was blown into his face, and everyone popped up from their various hiding places. **"HAPPY BIRTHDAY LANCE CORPORAL LEVI!"** He merely stared at them all with a blank expression, and sat down at the table. **"Tch."** Everyone burst out into a joyous laughter at his actions, then sat down as well and started talking amongst themselves, wishing him a happy birthday, and a merry christmas and a happy new year full of successful expeditions. Food was laid out all over the wooden surface, and there was confetti, tinsel, glitter, _dust,_ and various other decorations scattered around, almost making his head ache from the thought of having to clear it all up afterwards. Not to mention the fact that Hanji had brought her special wine, and there was probably going to be sick involved. Ugh... Hanji raised a glass full of the alcohol, beaming wildly. **"Everybody dig in! And happy birthday to our little corporal here!"**

It had been a few hours now, and everyone was pretty much sober from all the alcohol consumption. Boy, they hadn't had a celebration like that in ages. He'd been persuaded by Erwin to take a couple of drinks to keep his mind off the expedition, but his thoughts, however clouded by the alcohol, kept on drifting back to the letter. He was getting paranoid, also starting to hear strange laughter in the back of his mind. It sounded way too familiar. Hanji was clearly drunk, shouting slurred lines as Moblit was in a distressed frenzy trying to get her to calm down and sit back down. **"Yo shorty, stop being a party pooper and cheer up! How about ya finally tell us your real age, huh, huh?"** Moblit gave a worried and scared look, seeing that he was fuming and really didn't look to be in the right mood. Not that he ever was anyways. **"Fuck you shitty glasses. Go back to your shitty titan captives or whatever other shit."** She gave him a scowl, but was so intoxicated that she merely returned back to her sober, delusional self and asked Moblit to pour her more wine. He stood up abruptly, suddenly feeling very sick and woozy. It must have been the alcohol.

**"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh shit, shit, shiiiit.."** He rubbed his head, groaning. Maybe he was the one getting delusional, he could hear more laughter now. It was getting louder and louder. No one else seemed bothered by it, so why him? Perhaps he was the only one who could hear it, and no one else could...

Stopping to lean against the wall, his eyes widened as he could finally hear the voice clearly, the sound piercing through him. _"Merry Christmas, Levi Heichou!"_ He remembered that day. It was last year at his previous birthday, when he had badly sprained his wrist after an expedition and had stayed in the castle to recuperate with other members of the survey corps. _"And happy birthday!"_

It was her, it was her voice. But she wasn't there anymore. A small, crystal tear slid down his face, and he grit his teeth, hands balling into fists and banging at the wall. She was gone, and now all that remained of her was the letter residing in his pocket and echoes, trapped in the walls.

**{****does christmas even exist in the snk universe? probably not, oh well. **

**and yes, heichou can cry cos he's faboo XP **

**hope you enjoyed it c: **

**sorry if there are any typos, this was half made painfully on my shitty arse phone...**

** woah this was supposed to be some happy jolly sh.t not this depressing oops XD**

**~pikachu}**


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